Another Side of the Story

Hey. I posted here once a couple years ago to introduce myself and I don't think I've been back since. I'm Kayla. Kayla the slut. Maybe Kayla the bitch to some of you. I thought I'd come back this once to tell you my story.

Nothing that Lisa wrote about me is not true. Not in the most recent entry about me leaving her or in any of the other entries she wrote. We obviously have different perspectives on things that have happened to us but mostly I am satisfied with the way she has described me. I mean, have you ever read how she describes me? I'm like a sex goddess! So mostly I just want to talk about that last entry and why I left her.

Let me tell you something about who I am. I used to be that skinny, kind of cute but real awkward and goofy girl in high school. The one who was always with a group of other awkward girls laughing and playing our silly games. The one who wished she could have a boyfriend and have sex with him but never did. The one who after high school stopped being skinny and became a little less awkward. Still awkward though. The thing is that even though I ended up with a body that men (and women too I guess) wanted to have sex with I've always still thought of myself as that awkward girl, the one who wanted to have a boyfriend and have sex with him. I did have a few boyfriends and of course I did have sex with them, but none of them were ever the one, you know. And then I met Lisa.

Lisa is not like anybody I have ever known. She's a person I would like to be if I had like three times the energy. I don't though, so she's the person I have most enjoyed being with. When you're with Lisa you're where the party is. Even if it's just the two of you. Anybody else might show up, anything might happen, and you will never be bored. I met Lisa online. We chatted for a couple of weeks and then because we actually lived pretty close to each other we met for dinner. After dinner we went to a bar and picked up a couple of guys (she picked up a couple of guys) and went back to her house and we fucked them. Each of us fucked both of them and at one point they both were fucking her. A couple nights later we go out again. This time though, I don't feel like going to a bar and picking up guys, so we go back to my place and sit and talk and drink wine and we're next to each other on the sofa and she's touching me as she talks and then she's holding me and then she's kissing me and then eventually she's eating my pussy and then, even more incredibly to me, I'm eating her pussy. This was stuff I'd occasionally wondered and fantasized about, having sex with another woman, and I already knew that she did that, but now I was in the middle of doing it. Just like that, in the course of a few days I'd been in my first orgy and had sex with my first woman. And I liked it. All of it. That took me awhile to accept. That I was okay with all of this. That I liked doing it. That I wanted to do it again. And that I wanted to do more of that kind of thing.

And I did. I became completely different from the shy awkward girl I always thought of myself as and became a lot more like Lisa. I became the sexual adventurer too. I would go to bars and pick up and fuck guys, one or two or even three at a time, sometimes without Lisa. I found that I really loved and craved sex too, just like she did, and I found that I could even make an enjoyable and lucrative living at it.

And another thing happened, that I really didn't expect. I fell in love with Lisa. Lisa said in her blog entry that I don't think of myself as a lesbian or a bisexual woman. That I'm a heterosexual woman who has sex with other women. And that sounds right to me. I have sex with other women because I found out how much I like kissing another woman and having my pussy eaten by another woman and how much I like eating another woman's pussy. But that's all physical things. I never thought that I'd fall in love with another woman or that I'd be part of a couple with another woman. Part of a lesbian couple. And I never accepted that I was. I was in love with Lisa because everybody is in love with Lisa. I think every guy and woman who fucks Lisa falls in love with her. I think everybody who meets her and somehow doesn't fuck her falls in love with her too. And what made it impossible for me to resist was that she fell in love with me. First. So as impossible as it is not to fall in love with her, imagine what it must be like to not fall in love with her if she's in love with you. I don't think there is anybody who could resist her if she turned all of her attention and sexual energy toward them. That's what she did to me and it never even occurred to me that I could or should resist her. She was taking me on this incredible adventure of life and sex and love and since she seemed to know the way I just went along. I never questioned whether it was right to or not.

So we settled in to a life together. We shared a home and a bed and too many other men and women to count. And I liked it, but I never thought it was the life I needed to be living. It wasn't the life I thought I need to end up with. You know, with the boyfriend or the husband I could be in love with and have sex with. Have kids with. Be a family. But I wasn't meeting and clicking with any guys like that so my life with Lisa was fine. It was comfortable and we were happy. And then Lisa fucked Ryan.

Ryan, you know, is Lisa's brother. Since I met him, I've always liked Ryan, but he was married all the years I knew him and Lisa. Then last year he and his wife split up and last fall he and Lisa fulfilled what I guess was a lifelong fantasy for both of them and fucked each other. And then, since I figured he was fair game, since me and Lisa shared all of our fuck buddies, I fucked him too. And that was a big mistake. Because all that time I knew Ryan I knew that the guy I was going to marry and fuck and have a family was going to be like him. Funny and handsome and smart and sexy and someone who would make me feel good just being around him. You know, a male Lisa. And after that first time I fucked him, actually probably even while I was fucking him that first time, I knew that either I was going to have to end up with him or I was going to have to get away from both him and Lisa. And that was just unthinkable.

So here's the thing. I know I'm probably just trying to justify what I did, to try to minimize the damage I've done, but it was plain, as even Lisa wrote, that Lisa and Ryan couldn't go on fucking forever. And it was plain, though we never admitted it to each other and probably not even consciously to ourselves, that eventually Lisa and I would break up. Because as she said, I would never be quite comfortable being part of a lesbian couple. I couldn't introduce Lisa to friends or family as my lover or my girlfriend, or my wife. I just couldn't. And with that being the way of things, I couldn't stand the thought of not being with Ryan. It would be such a waste. Why let him go and spend the rest of my life hoping to find someone like him when I could be with him? That's what I had to do. So that's what I did do.

I hope Lisa doesn't hate me, because I know I'll always love her and it will always be important to me what she thinks of me. I couldn't become her, but I became so much more than I used to be because of her. And you can't imagine how much it hurts me, how much it breaks my heart, to know what I've done to her and how betrayed she must feel by what I've done.

Anyway. Since Lisa told you what happened, I though I should try to tell my story. I don't know if it will make anybody not hate me, but I had to try.